Insecurity in relationships Infidelity Overcome jealousy Stay calm with THAT person Get the spark back Feel more attractive Get over a relationship Stop choosing Mr Wrong
An intimate relationship is a basic human need so relationships matter and having a supportive and loving partner improves health and provides a buffer against physical and mental ill health.
Relationship failure can be devastating and there are many reasons for it all going wrong as well as danger times, such as: after the birth of a child, when children leave home, abnormal stresses etc. However, relationships can be saved.
Psychologist John Gottman has spent 20 years studying successful and unsuccessful marriages and it is the principles of his Four Riders of the Apocalypse that I use as guidance when seeing clients experiencing relationship problems.
Insecurity in Relationships
Imagining losing something very important to you drives anxiety, which, in turn, affects your behaviour. You may sometimes feel you are not good enough for the person you are with, or maybe you look out for things to go wrong, even making excuses to end the relationship. Perhaps you have been feeling and behaving as if you were still in an old relationship that was unhealthy. However, if you are in a good relationship that works well most of the time and still feel insecure, then you really need to relax and update your response. And, that's when hypnotherapy will help you.
Discovery of your partner's infidelity is likely to cause emotional trauma. Attempts at forgiveness can just seem to rake up anger, insecurity and a sense of - 'how could you do this to me? To us?' Getting over infidelity can be very like a grieving process. You grieve for the relationship you used to have, how things used to be with that person, when you trusted your partner, when everything was rosy.
Hypnotherapy will rapidly begin to change the way you respond emotionally to thoughts and memories of your partner's infidelity. Forgiving adultery is not about telling your partner that what they did was okay, but finding peace in your own mind so that life can be easier for you. How wonderful it will be when you begin to notice you no longer experience that associative pain as you start to feel more comfortable in your life and move beyond what happened.
A little jealousy within a relationship indicates there's still a spark, that you still care about your partner. However, when jealousy becomes pervasive and intense, it can have terrible consequences such as misunderstandings, heartache, relationship breakdown and even violence. The object of the jealousy can start to feel controlled and dominated.
Reasons for jealousy often include having been rejected, let down or deceived in the past. This feeling is then generalised to apply to all men or women.
Jealousy is a blend of two emotions: anger and anxiety, or insecurity. To be jealous, you have to misuse your imagination. You have to make up stuff about your partner's activities and then believe in your imagination enough to react to it emotionally. All kinds of inocent behaviours are interpreted as evidence. So, a glance at a stranger becomes an invitation for intimacy. A conversation or innocent dance becomes a prelude to something much more serious.
If you are set upon by jealous feelings you need to stop misusing your imagination to make you feel bad. You also need to learn to trust, unless real evidence arises that means you can't. You need to give people a chance, because many people can be trusted and it is dangerous to assume that one person's behaviour is representative of everyone.
Stay Calm with THAT Person
Ever encountered a difficult person? Or someone you respond to with disabling levels of emotion? Being with, or just even thinking about, a particular person can automatically trigger a particular set of emotions in us. If someone has made you angry in the past and you find them irritating, you may find just the mere mention of their name can automatically make you feel worked up. Or perhaps you feel tongue-tied, threatened or inadequate just through being in their presence.
Hypnotherapy can change your automatic response and give you more choice in these situations, to get you feeling the way you would like to feel when you are around THAT person.
Get the Spark Back
When a relationship is young it feels very fresh and exciting. There are lots of things to learn and discover about your new partner. The physical side is good and the whole world can be discovered anew through the eyes of your lover.
However, as time goes by, you grow accustomed to your partner. You may no longer be surprised by what they say and do. You may even find them predictable. Some of the surprise and fun may have gone out of the relationship. Perhaps the demands of life and necessary routine begin to dampen things. The things you used to consider cute now begin to annoy you.
Hypnotherapy will remind you powerfully of how you used to feel about your partner and help you to look at them as you used to.
Feel More Attractive
"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realised how seldom they do."
A lot of what makes us attractive to others has very little to do with the way we look. It is more to do with self-confidence and self acceptance, having an easy smile and the ability to be ourselves, which makes people feel at ease and comfortable around us.
If you are negatively comparing yourself to your perception of other people, it becomes self-destructive and can have a severe impact on the quality of your life. Furthermore, it is highly likely that the people you believe are more beautiful than you, are busy criticising things about their own appearance that you hadn't even noticed! Hypnotherapy can help you to feel more attractive and more comfortable with your own body and looks. It's amazing how much more attractive other people will find you, when you are able to see what is attractive about yourself and you truly like what you see.
Get Over a Relationship
When a relationship ends, even when you know it had to, it can be difficult to manage your emotions for a while. Hypnotherapy will help you come to terms with the end of the relationship, to move on emotionally and to put the relationship well and truly in the past as far as your emotions are concerned. This doesn't mean that you will forget what was good about that relationship if you don't want to. Following the session, you will notice the relationship taking up less space and time in your mind and spending less emotional energy ruminating on it.
Stop Choosing Mr Wrong
Have you always gone for the wrong type of man? You think he's Mr right but he turns out to be a waste of space in the end. Perhaps he lets you down by being unfaithful, or he just won't commit, or he drinks too much. Maybe he seems great at first but ends up putting you down and treating you badly. It's true you can't know what someone is like immediately but there are always signs if you are clear-headed enough to know what to look for. The trouble is, when you're in love, or 'in lust', you find all sorts of excuses to ignore all those little signs that tell you it just won't work in the long term.
Hypnotherapy keeps you emotionally calm, allows you to keep your head when you start dating and see clearly the relevant signals, so that you avoid making excuses for him and blaming yourself when he messes up. Hypnotherapy will help you to relax in relationships, to enjoy them and to know how to act for the best.
You can also speak to me about any number of relationship problems such as: being newly single, bad neighbours, emotional & physical intimacy 07867 797 131